So we're just quickly like to raise your awareness OFF A SMART goal setting resource we've created and
made available for hire and the additional material sanction.
But in this video we just want to welcome back Karen once again.
And what we're gonna do this time round I am going to analyze and critique one of the goals that Karen
has for a bigger brighter future using the SMART goals set and framework and show yet how this isn't
a framework that we necessarily even need to really plan out is one that I like to just use in a conversational
manner.
All right.
It just kind of AIDS and assists a life coaching stroke.
Goal setting process.
So first things first.
I'm going to just invite Karen to consider meaningful goal that she has and ask certain area of her
life no.
Up until now we've looked at the seven different life areas we've explored the life balance workbooks
or we've looked at home life or family relationships educational career aspirations schools look the
personal finances routine responsibilities we've looked at social life we looked at contribution earned
personal growth so you can choose from any of those areas from the life balance workbook.
What do you choose wife.
What do you choose.
Well a goal that I've already mentioned previously was is about preparing myself to be to become a good
mom.
So prepare so prepare yourself to be to be a mom which probably branches over in a few of those different
areas of life is can we explore it.
Yeah.
All right.
So we'll explore this go through the smart go said process.
So first and foremost I just want to get clear if that's okay and what the actual goal was is the goal
to prepare to be a mom or is the goal to become a mom.
The goal is to become a mom.
Yeah.
Okay.
Lust quite different from preparing to prepare to be a mom isn't it.
Yeah.
Yeah just a little bit.
All right it's just good that we get clearer in these things because if we are wanting to have a goal
is to prepare to be a mom then how long would you spend preparing to start preparing.
It's a very good question.
Yeah this good thing about these things but remember.
Right.
Do all jokes aside there are.
How many people in life that go through life accomplishing very very little.
Why.
Well we're never gonna know are we the way in which we sometimes frame our goals and can just really
prevent this from ever taken that first step.
So the goal is to become a good mom.
Yeah.
Okay cool.
So could I just ask why why this is so important here.
Why was driving this
I've always wanted to be a mom and I can't really think or consider any other thing I would do do in
my life that's more meaningful.
Fantastic.
But the way I see you've always.
I didn't I didn't ask for how long you want to be a mom.
So it was was driving you.
Why.
Why do you want to be a good mom.
Because there's lots of moms in the world.
Some moms will be better moms than others.
But what specifically is it this motivating it to be a good mom or perhaps a better question would be
to ask what does a good mom look like.
Specifically.
Yeah.
A good mom.
What is available for her kids available.
What do you mean by available.
I mean like emotionally available like seeds where they're at asks how to do and is able to discern
where the riot is paying attention.
Yes.
And how do you know that this is important.
Because I've in my own experience of growing up and I had a good upbringing but I didn't have a strong
emotional connection with my own mom.
And and I can see how I've become the person I've become because of that.
And in some ways quite withdrawn and not not very open to connecting with people and I don't want that
for my children.
I want to.
I want to teach them what it means to connect well with your mom and and teach them how they can connect
well with other people setting up well for life.
It's interesting.
What what was it that you learned through not having this level of connection in the past or this level
of availability for you.
What was it you missed out on.
I missed out on the
really talking about and difficult things I am opening up about challenges and talking difficult things
you mean dreamily being honest and being honest.
These realest is in real mum about what was going on for me and having that level of honesty openness
where I could talk to her about anything.
So if I could just ask you to cast your mind back to remember the levels of relationship we looked at
in the last section.
Yes.
All right.
So not feel uncomfortable being honest like this.
Is that because the trust was in the relationship or because perhaps the trust wasn't quite where needed
to be because it wasn't where I needed to be.
And what needed to be in the relationship in order for the trust to also be in the relationship
like intimacy.
Intimacy.
Yeah.
Which looks like
time together alone for Julia.
Being asked how I'm doing.
Questions.
Just basically asking asking about me and asking how I'm doing.
And I guess meaningful time together meaningful time and having quality discussion and I'm guessing
if someone asks you a question it's only then gonna be good that they're available to actually hear
what so what's actually going on.
Yeah.
Okay good.
And I'm taking it that this then is kind of what you want for your children.
Yes.
So this is kind of what being a good mom looks like for you.
Yeah.
Hundred percent.
We go there in the end.
Then we just see what I've just done there.
We just made Karen's goal meaningful.
Here I am saying why I want to be a good mom.
No one asked her why she said Well I've just always wanted to be a good mom.
All right.
So then we just switch the discussion around tackled it from a slightly different perspective and then
establish the reason why I am being a good mom for Curran doesn't necessarily mean being who your mom
wasn't.
It just means identifying the void that you perceived yourself as having grown up in your younger years
and then plugging that gap.
Exactly.
Kind of makes sense for you doesn't it.
That it means being perhaps for someone else for your children the kind of person you never had for
you.
Not seen us in a negative way.
I'm just saying no one's perfect right.
But we all have these little deficits in our lives that we want to fill.
Don't we.
We do.
Yeah yeah.
And sometimes fill in this void and other people can seem and feel more meaningful for us.
Yeah.
Which kind of makes us quite meaningful go.
Does say cool.
So how would you say then that you'll be able to measure the school that was Spiller last.
That was specific by the way in terms of the smart goals and a smart goal analyzing framework so I've
looked at specific the specific reasons why the school's important to you.
How would you propose to measure a goal like this
a very good question and how will you know whether you're getting it right.
I can only imagine that I'll have to gauge my children's response to me and how open they are how open
they actually are with me.
Ah so you're saying that you're going to you're going to gauge how effective a mom you are not by how
you feel but by how they respond to you who they are with you.
I will open they are with you.
So if you're available and that might mean that they will be open and they won't have a problem being
honest with you they won't have a problem.
Yeah that's interesting.
Yeah.
Okay.
So how would you propose that this goal will be achieved.
How achieve boys is goal and how will it be achieved.
How will it be achieved.
It'll be achieved with my commitment to Well there's different elements here.
So
one thing that is hugely more motivating me is to nail the school is big on top of all my other responsibilities
so that I have space now in my own mind to be this kind of mom.
I want to be an available Mom.
Okay.
So we're talking about life balance here.
Yeah yeah we're talking about if you're affective in your routine responsibilities in your work life
finances all these kinds of things then you're gonna have the time and the space to be able to invest
into these low people to the degree that you want to.
Yes know this.
Chrissy how life balance is coming into play now.
Her one aspect of life is impacted by others 100 percent like it.
If I'm not on top of certain elements I end up getting stressed and then I'm not wholly available for
the people in my life earn interest and I think I'm just talking about this about two ago ago ironically
enough.
Okay cool.
So how will these goals be measured in terms of outcomes what what outcomes will you need to see to
be able to appreciate that you've been effective and accomplish this goal what outcomes the Argentina
to see how will you know when you've got there.
Hello
by gauging
the depth of the connection that I have with the children.
The definite connection.
Yes.
And you're gonna be able to sense without us or know what that is I'll know what that is.
Yeah.
But not just my perspective.
I reckon by asking for your perspective as well in terms of how I'm actually being home I'm coming across.
Okay.
Yeah.
I reckon gauging the depth of the connection will be the biggest part.
Also actually analysing how many in my time like am I creating space and time for these little people.
Are you purposefully creating time or are you just allowing yourself to be busy.
Yeah.
Pursue in whatever goal what is the a pursuit.
Yeah.
And then it just never happens.
You know that alone time that bonding time.
Okay so unless you're purposely create in this time and space that is not going to create itself.
No there's gonna be regular schedule not necessarily diaries but planned for time.
Okay that sounds quite good.
Yeah.
Tell me.
How long have you got to prepare for this Islander actually.
Yeah.
How long have you actually got to prepare for this because you've got a lifetime of being a certain
way from from then or no.
And you've got from no until the day that these little people arrive so roughly how long have you got.
Approximately one year.
One year.
OK.
Because it's good the goals should be linked to some sort of timeframe isn't it.
This is kind of what creates a sense of urgency.
Yes.
All right cool yeah.
So there is a sense of right.
There is a sense of urgency.
Yeah.
Having started the adoption process actually is imminent you know it's gonna be within the year.
So doing nothing and changing nothing is not an option anymore.
It's not an option.
Q.
So what is it that you're addressing today then.
What is it you're working on today so that you don't get caught out tomorrow.
So which am which I read recently about and
me having a strong morning routine and and managing myself and my responsibilities well by deciding
each day.
What isn't it what's an urgent priority for me to complete and so I'm working on that and building that
into my morning routine so that I don't end up reacting or responding to other people's requests throughout
the day.
And so nothing else is going to confuse what I know needs to be done.
Fantastic.
So what you're talking about is having a like a framework in your life that allows you to be able to
discern and identify that which is urgent from that which is important from that which isn't urgent
and not which isn't important.
So you can invest your time in the wisest possible way.
Yeah yeah but this to me sounds like the Eisenhower matrix that we might be coming onto next.
By the way the bet I just threw up this video up.
Just wanted to really demonstrate here how conversationally we integrate the smart and goal analytical
process just conversationally until we're coaching sessions.
Now you may have picked up on one or two the questions that I asked and it's not like I can give you
a question framework here right.
Because we're just having a conversation.
But you use the framework as a guide.
All right to prompt your clients to really get crystal clear on how much responsibility the right to
be taken for their goal.
One of the last questions I ask current source so how is it that your what was a question I asked.
It was a really good question as well.
Was it them already doing what is your already doing today.
There's preparing you for tomorrow and that is a.
Those are fantastic indicator on how receptive your clients are and also how committed they are to see
in school if there's come to fruition.
If they haven't yet taken any action there's gonna be a reason for this which might be a destructive
partner behavior or might be elements in belief which might then require you to go back and deal with
some stuff that we've looked at in the earlier sections.
All right so Khan thank you very much for humoring us here.
I hope you found this quite straightforward.
It's a very very simple process him or a very simple framework it just allows our clients to to look
at their goals from a really constructive but also very very proactive angle to help them just get crystal
clear on what's motivating the goal but also how it is that they are being this determining whether
this goal comes to fruition or not.
Very very practical.
So go to the additional materials section download the resource and feel free to use this as a gauge
when you start working with clients.
If you haven't got much practice and the goals same process then again jump over to one of the two communities
either practice makes permanent or inside of ecology one of the two or find a friend or a loved one
or a family member or a child or something like this and practice and because it's practice this is
really going to help you to develop your competencies as a goal setter and as a life coach.
Hope you find this video useful and we'll see you again in the next clip where we're gonna look at the
Eisenhower matrix.